ENOUGH! !!! NOT BEING ENOUGH!
A few days ago I was talking with one of the girls who works at the grocer’s shop. A pretty young lady in her early twenties.
She told me with so much pride about all the new injections and facelifts she had done the past half-year.
I listened with interest and was amazed…..
”Why should someone so pretty and so in the freshness of her youth have all these external operations done?
I had no judgment, just a fascination about her drive to live this kind of life.
“And still I don’t feel good. And still, I am depressed” she sighed…..
“The thing is……” I heard myself say to her
“You’ll never find what you are looking for outside of yourself.
Even if you have 20 more beauty treatments or facelifts it can give you an uplift for a few hours, and yet it will never fulfil you. YOU ARE ENOUGH FOR WHO YOU ARE and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL FOR WHO YOU ARE.”
She looked at me as if I spoke some alien language.
And then I remembered how naked I would sometimes feel without my make up. Especially after a week of hard-working (trying to prove the world how good I was I would work 7days a week startings sometimes at 5 in the morning with my radio show and finishing at midnight with the editing of my tv show. In wintertimes I wouldn’t even see daylight.)
IT WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH.
I WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH.
So underneath all the television make up my skin could sometimes look grey and pale. I never used any botox or did any facelifts because needles scare me. I simply hid behind my makeup, my Versace clothes and my people-pleasing smile.
“As long as they loved me, all would be fine.”
But underneath this people-pleasing, I felt suffocated by all this DENIAL OF MY TRUE SELF. One day after 10 years of hard work and NEVER having asked a SALARY INCREASE. I became very courageous by asking my editor for a raise of money.
He laughed in my face and answered :
“YOU ARE MARRIED TO A MAN WHO HAS MORE THAN A NICE INCOME, WHY SHOULD I GIVE YOU A SALARY INCREASE ?”
That moment is marked forever in my heart.
IT WOKE ME UP
ENOUGH of being the PEOPLEPLEASER !!!!
ENOUGH of looking for LOVE and ADMIRATION on the outside !!!!!
At last, I felt the anger I had suppressed for years inside of me (always being the good girl) In that one moment, I felt so much SELF LOVE that I decided I simply could no longer work in an environment that did not honour or respect me for who I really was.
And although I had a successful tv show. There was a conflict between my inner and my outer world.
To acknowledge MY TRUE SELF I decided TO LEAVE
and look for BETTER and BRIGHTER.
What I did not know then was that
YOU CAN ONLY STEP INTO A HIGHER AND BRIGHTER FIELD OF LOVE AND RESPECT IF YOU FIRST DISCOVER IT INSIDE OF YOURSELF! YOU VE GOT TO OWN IT FIRST!
So the next job I got at a new TV station was even WORSE (more hours to work for the same amount of money)
Until I learned my life ‘s lesson :
* HOW TO LOVE MYSELF and SIMPLY BE ENOUGH FOR WHO I AM
Today …..I don t need my makeup or my Versace coat to feel good and loved.
(doesn’t mean I don’t like beautiful clothes and makeup)
I DECIDE with WHO I CHOOSE TO WORK and for WHICH AMOUNT.
This has been years and years of inner work and SHOWERS of SELF LOVE.
Today I can say MY LIFE and MY WORK are SO FULFILLING.
Because I LOVE and HONOR MY SELF
And its damn well time that you do the same.
START BEING ENOUGH
START LOVING WHO YOU REALLY ARE